My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
