She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
