Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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