I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
