you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
