my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
