Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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