Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
