I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
its liver damage thursday
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