I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
