clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
