Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
