I met the friendliest cop last night
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
