I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
