ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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