but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
