why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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