i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
