I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
