I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
