there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
