"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Found the puke drawer
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
