C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
