If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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