Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
