Are we in a gay sports bar?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
