Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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