whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
