oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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