Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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