I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
