I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
