Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
