Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Every concussion has its silver lining
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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