im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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