Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
