dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He uses pillows to masturbate.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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