So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
