Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
