I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
