Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
