Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Just cropdusted the office
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
