dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Randomize
