Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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