Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
