break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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