I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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