If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
