i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
