He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
