Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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